I’m glad that I decided to keep this blog. And I’m doubly glad that I now have the time to write about my thoughts without any time pressure because I am currently jobless. Yes, this is the second time in my life that I’ve ever been “jobless” but the first time that I chose to be a bum.
Whenever I get asked why I resigned from my job (most recent query was just 4 hours ago), I struggle to find a concrete explanation. I would often blurt out that it was a career move–that I needed to belong to a company with grander opportunities for growth. Sometimes I would argue that I was simply stuck and needed to escape. Or when I’m desperate to get others off my case, I’d even use my engagement as a reason and tell them I want to focus on the wedding preps. Truth be told, I have no idea why. I just knew that I wanted out because every cell in my being was exhausted. I simply grew tired. Is that a valid excuse?
I’m positive that my family thinks I’m out of my mind. How could I leave a job with no guarantee that I would find a job soon? How would I even be able to pay for my fiance and I’s house? Don’t you have credit card bills to take care of? Trust me, I worry. I worry a lot.I’m just ridiculously good at putting a brave face on and pretending that all’s well when truthfully, my very bones–all 206 of them–are shaking in fear.
It’s only been 15 days since my last day at my former company and I know I still have time to find a job before all financial hell breaks loose.However, I can’t handle the endless of barrage of questions from family and friends (who I know are only asking because they care for me) on the status of my job search. I just wish people would drop all the judgment when they learn that I am unemployed. My worth is not determined by the position I hold, the company I work for or even my employment status.
I am sending out resumes left and right but my job hunt hasn’t been successful. I had already been to a bunch of interviews but there’s still no solid offer to arrive. And until a job opportunity arrives, I’ll be this crazy twentysomething who’s up at 3am, wondering if she had a momentary bout of dementia when she assumed leaving financial security behind to find a sense of belongingness in the corporate jungle is a good decision.
In the meantime, I guess it’s better that I work on a more important project–one that others have shelved. ME!
The Girl on Caffeine 